A Man-to-Man Outlook

From Alex Waardenburg:

Saturday, November 5th men from every age and fellowship group met over breakfast to discuss manhood: ours, our fathers’ and God’s. I will admit that this is the first Man2Man breakfast I have attended for almost a year and I was glad that I tore myself away from sleep to attend. Pastor Nate Winters shared some of his experiences in typical Nate Winters Fashion and led the discussion in a typical pastor manner. However, this man 2 man breakfast was more than typical for me and to understand why please allow me to share my experience as an attendant of these breakfasts.

I attended all of the Man2Man breakfasts the first year it started, I showed up regularly Friday nights to set up and I volunteered to lead a man 2 man group of my peers. There was a lot of excitement. We were all ready to come together as men and become an active part in the direction of our church, our neighborhoods and our families with the support we were going to gain from being in fellowship together. Attendance was so strong that no room could hold all of the men interested in being a part of this movement and so we were forced to meet in the Church’s largest lobby. But nobody seemed to care since we were ready to hear what we could do as men and wanted to be shown how to lead. However, we spent the first several breakfasts reflecting on how men have been failing. This is understandable. In communications this is called creating “cognitive dissonance.” As a communicator you need to show your listeners there is a problem in order to keep their interest while you tell them the solution. I am not being critical of how the first couple of breakfasts showed us how there was a problem with men in the church and society and that we were part of the problem. In fact I believe we all knew there was a problem – I think everyone by now believes masculinity is not taking it’s proper place in our churches and society, and that is precisely why we were all there. We all wanted to be part of the solution. What I felt was missing was the solution. We were never told what could be done to salvage our manhood. This left me feeling empty and hopeless and eventually I stopped attending.

I stopped attending until I was encouraged to attend the breakfast on November 5th by a member of the SixTen fellowship group of which Pastor Nate is the leader. As I sat with my bagel and coffee Saturday morning I looked over the paper in the center of the table that held the discussion questions and I began to dread what I was going to be pressured into admitting. The first question asked for us to reflect on what we have been doing right as men and I knew I would be pressured into saying I was doing nothing right and was a total failure. When we got to the part of the breakfast when we were told to reflect on that question with our table Nate made a point that may or may not have just been a side note but I believe to be the profound solution I was longing for during that first year. The point that Nate slipped into his introduction of the discussion question allowed us men to move beyond the fact that there is a problem and that we are part of it. Nate made the point that by the grace of God we are able to be the men we ought to be. With this simple statement it was now alright to share our victories as men of God. You could imagine my joy when our discussion of manhood was encouraged to stay positive. We focused on what we have been doing right as men, we were lead to discuss what fatherly figures have done to encourage our manhood, and we were lead to discuss how the manhood of Jesus has encouraged us. It was a real encouragement to hear examples of masculinity in stories that were shared around the table and to see examples of manhood that I can learn from and aspire to.

I, of course, cannot claim that my experience is a true reflection of the Man2Man breakfast ministry, and I cannot say that my experience is typical, but I can say that this breakfast was an encouragement to me, and I want the leadership and the men who stopped attending these breakfasts to know that the Man2man breakfast Saturday November 5th encouraged me to be a better man, and I want to encourage the leadership to continue this direction, and I want to encourage other men to attend the next Man2Man breakfast Saturday, December 3rd.